Posted by: Brad Stanford | September 9, 2009

Worry: The Weapon Of Choice, Apparently

I was hit by worry again today. When I had enough, I went back out to my prayer corner overlooking the valley, and apologized to God for forgetting everything that He has done in my life. Then I asked for peace before the resolution of the situation, so I would know it came from him, and not my confidence in the circumstances. God is very faithful. I am at peace, and the circumstances seem far from resolved.

If everything fell apart tomorrow (see: Job, the book of), my life to this point would be more than I deserved. This family, this adventure, this church, this land – all of it is well above my ability to earn it. I owe so many for so much, and I will never be able to repay it all (though I hope I am allowed to try!). The question I’m going to start reminding myself of is: “OK, God. Now what?”

He has always been faithful to answer that one as well.

I’m posting this especially because I don’t want anyone to think that I planned, and saved, and knew the right people, and pulled all this off. On the contrary, I get up every day wondering what in the name of Fergus McDoltson* I’m doing here. Not because I don’t like it, but because it’s so amazing! But it is not by my hand, or plans, that I am getting anything done. God is doing something, and I’m along for the ride. He tells me what to do, and I try to do it with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you get nothing else from my story, get that!

The enemy has hit me twice with worry, and God has let him hit me. It seems that this is the next item on the training list. So I shake off the last hit, get up, see the familiar, “What do you think about that?” twinkle in God’s eyes, and say, “Bring it. Let’s go where only dead men can go.”

I’m confident in God, and nervous about me. I’m obviously the weak link in this relationship. But time is short, and wimping out just means we start the lesson over from the top sometime later. I’d rather just push through it, because a test simply means more joy on the other side.

*Shout out to the Veggie Tales

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